The United States is a patchwork quilt of red and blue states. But zoom in to Silicon Valley and you'll see those hues blend into shades that aren't found on our two-party color wheel. A technocrat who has never voted for a Democrat in his whole life might march in the annual Pride Parade. CEOs who are all about immigration (they need programmers like they need air) might lobby for low capital gains taxes (gotta make sure those stock options are a good investment). These Valley players are motivated by their own interests more than by party politics, and they're not afraid to gerrymander their philosophies into weird snaky shapes that protect their financial interests without (mostly) sacrificing personal ethics.

Mark-Zuckerberg.jpgAndrew Rae

The H-1Beliebers

Party Leader: Mark Zuckerberg

Platform: The Valley hearts immigration reform but not for farmworkers' sake. Need. Moar. Programmers.

Peter-Thiel.jpgAndrew Rae

The Libertopians

Party Leader: VC and seasteading libertarian Peter Thiel

Platform: Government bad. College pointless. Live forever (ideally on experimental floating cities out in the ocean).

Paul-Graham.jpgAndrew Rae

The 1% FTW!

Party Leader: Angel investor Paul Graham

Platform: The rich should get richer, as long as they're building cool stuff. That trickles down, right?

Travis-Kalanick.jpgAndrew Rae

The Share-Somethings

Party Leader: Uber CEO Travis Kalanick

Platform: We can create millions of jobs—if you just stop calling our workers employees.

Tim-Cook.jpgAndrew Rae

The Love and Lockdown Party

Party Leader: Apple CEO Tim Cook

Platform: Every American is entitled to certain unalienable rights, including the rights to marry whoever you want and to buy an unhackable iPhone.

Sergey-Brin.jpgAndrew Rae

The Playacrats

Party Leader: Sergey Brin

Platform: You don't need money at Burning Man (all the more left over to lobby in Washington).

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